


Nothing Scares Me Anymore

by Hockey_3720



Category: National Football League RPF
Genre: Depression, Football, I don’t know why this is so deep, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I haven’t posted in so long, M/M, Suicide Attempt, maybe my next work will be lighter, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-16 21:08:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16502744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hockey_3720/pseuds/Hockey_3720
Summary: He sounded defeated.Like I’d been feeling for the longest time.





	Nothing Scares Me Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to write this.
> 
> Also, this is totally out of my element. Don’t really like 1st person.

I sank down into the hot water of the tub and leaned back, letting my body adjust to the scalding temperature. With a shaky breath, I looked to my right and observed the shiny object sitting on the white ledge of the tub. 

This was it. My last few minutes. Finally. 

Everyone would be better off. 

At practice and games, there wouldn’t be anyone fuckingup routes. They’d be able to move things along a lot smoother, and not even know I’m gone. 

My friends? What friends? No one's ever cared. I’ve just been another person that’s used, one that was always there for them, even when they weren’t there for me. Maybe they’d learn from their mistakes… No, nevermind, they’d just shake it off and not even care. 

And my boyfriend? Sweet, sweet Danny. He’ll get over me. He’ll find what he’s been looking for. He’ll find the one… The one that will love them self as much as he’ll love them. He’ll have his friends to lean on. He’ll be fine. 

With a deep breath I moved my shaky hand up and picked the shiny blade up off the ledge. My heart was racing as I stared down at it and observed its sharp edges. I ran the tip of it across my skin, then quickly yanked my hand away as blood began to leak from the small cut. 

My attention quickly turned to the blood as it ran down the palm of my hand, down my wrist, then trailed off as it hit the water. I sucked in a shaky breath and ghosted the shiny blade over my blood trailed wrist. 

I swallowed, and tears began to pull from my eyes. This was it. My notes were sitting on the bed, ready for Danny to disperse to the people they were addressed to. 

I rested the cold blade on my warm skin, sniffled, and began to move the blade along the smooth surface. Thick, dark blood began to seep from the small incision. 

The pain was minor, but it felt like the beginning of the world being lifted off my shoulders. As I moved the blade back up to make a thinker incision, my name was called. 

“Jules!?!” It was Danny, my heart began to race as I choked on a sob. “Julian! Oh my god,” he yelled through the door as the handle shook. 

I moved to swipe the blade across my skin again, blood came gushing out, rushing down my arm. The water was now a light pink. “Julian! Can you hear me? Are you in there?” 

“L-Leave me alone, D-Danny,” I sobbed out as I brought my shaky hand up again to slice through my skin again. 

“No! Over my dead body! Either open this door or I’m coming in,” he yelled out as there was banging on the door. 

I shook my head and sniffled. “I-it’s almost done. Stop worrying,” I mumbled as I switched hands. As I laid a light cut into my right wrist, the door came bursting open. 

Through my blurred vision, I could see Danny standing there in shock. “Oh my god,” he whispered. 

I just shook my head as I moved the blade to my wrist again. “Leave me be, Danny.” 

Next thing I knew was he was reaching over to grab the hand towel from the counter. I shook my head as I inched the blade toward my wrist again, but with my shaky hand, it slipped and fell to the bottom of the tub. 

With that, Danny lunged forward. I flinched, causing some of the water to splash over the edge. He fell to his knees and wrapped the towel around my wrist. 

“Danny! Stop,” I sobbed as I brought my less cut hand up to push him away, but he only pulled me closer. 

“No! Babe… No,” hs sighed as tears collected in his eyes. “Jules.” 

I met favorite brown eyes and shook my head. “I’m not worth it, Danny. Just let me go,” I sobbed as I tried to move away. My breathing got uneven as he shook his head and only held the towel around my wrist tighter. 

“No! Never. Julian,” he said, his voice becoming more distant. 

My body was becoming numb. “Jules? Jules! Stay with me! Julian,” his voice yelled as my eyelids fluttered shut and a hand was placed on my cheek. 

*** 

A beeping sound woke me up. 

The white noise moved out of my ears, and soon the sound the sound of Danny’s voice filled the room. “No, I’m good. Thank you for everything. Yeah Tommy, I’ll see you at practice.” He sounded defeated. 

Like I’d been feeling for the longest time. 

A hand grasped my left one, and hot lips were placed on the back of my hand. “I love you, babe. Please wake up. Doc said you’d wake up soon…” There was a pause. “Please,” he got out as he let out a sob. 

I squeezed his hand back, and let my eyes flutter open. My breathing was uneven. “D-Danny,” I choked out, my voice rough from a dry throat. 

His head darted up, looking right at me with wide, puffy, eyes. “Jules? O-Oh god. Thank you,” he mumbled as he began crying. “Babe… oh my god. I thought I lost you.” He moved so he was almost hugging me, crying into the crook of my neck. 

He pulled away and cupped my face in his hands, then smashed his lips into mine. “I love you. I love you so much. Don’t ever scare me like that again,” he said, his brown eyes looking into mine. 

I just looked up at him, tears sitting at the back of my eyes. “I-I… You’d be better off,” I told him I’m almost a whisper. 

He instantly shook his head, then looked down, where he grabbed my hand and lifted it, placing it on my stomach. His large body then moved up onto the bed next to me so he was lying on his side next to me. 

“Listen to me,” he said as he shook his head. “I’d never be better off without you. You’re my everything,” he whispered as he brought his hand down to my left arm and lifted it up so I could see it. It was wrapped with multiple bandages, and had a bit of blood soaked into them. 

“This… This isn’t how you’re supposed to go out… You’re supposed to be growing old… With me! You’re supposed to be with me… Through all of our post football years, helping me through aches and pains… and me the same for you… Babe… I-I… Why? I… God. I thought I lost you,” he mumbled. His brown eyes were flooded with fright. He put my arm back down and sucked in a shaky breath. 

“Thank god I didn’t,” he whispered. “I don’t know what I’d do.” And with that, more tears slid down his cheeks. “I’d be so lost.” He rolled over a bit so he was partially on top of me, arm draped over my chest, and his face stuffed against my shoulder as he began sobbing. 

I brought my right arm up, which had a single line of gauze wrapped around it, and wrapped it around his back. “Julian,” he cried. He pulled away and looked down at me with his dark, sad eyes. “Babe… Please… I-I… How could you think that way… I love you with my everything. I’d never get over you. There is only one you…” 

I shook my head. “I’m not good e-enough, Danny. Never have and never will be,” I told him. 

He shook his head again. “I will spend the rest of my life trying to prove to you how much I love you,” he said with a sniffle. “Jules… I thought… I thought I fucking lost you… And… You passed out… I-I… Thank god.” 

“Don’t ever do that again. We call care about you so much. I was a wreck, Tommy was a wreck. He’s been calling me every half hour. The rest of the guys tried to come here, but we didn’t want you to be overwhelmed… Babe… Please don’t… ever again.” 

The look in his eyes told me he meant every single word. “I’m sorry, Danny.” Tears began rolling down my face as I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to me. “I’m so sorry.” 

“I love you, Jules. Please don’t forget that,” he whispered into my neck.

**Author's Note:**

> The results of working your ass off and not getting anywhere near a good grade.


End file.
